Over in a long-forgotten corner of the Holy Worman Empire, there stood a ruined building that once...

back in it's heyday, towered high above the rest of the city. For this building was the...

...town hall, where the poor gathered to shout what they wanted in life at rich people, who ignored them and...

... instead spent millions of "Worm Bux" on fighting a war against...

Wiraq. After many years and no progress, both sides called a truce; for the time being. However war was always still on the cards...

... The rich people of the Worman Empire began developing a new weapon - a...

Genetically modified mad cow - with never before seen strength. Unfortunately, the army of old women they had trialed for the last 2 years had failed due to them spontaneously exploding...

... in a sudden burst of bingo calls, turning the air a faint shade of lavender with their evaporating hair dye. The poor people of the town were suspicious of this new genetically modified Mad Cow, fearful that it might be used by the rich to...

...control them and steal their Ribena using it's hypnotic udder display, so the poor people revolted, armed with pitchforks and various kitchen utensils, they stormed the Town Hall, ripping tapestries and pasteries off the wall, decimating it, and resulting in it's present state. Hidden amongst the wreckage lay...

the plans to construct countless numbers of these rather impressive-looking mad cows. FutureWorm seized the plans in hand, holding them over his head. He looked out in front of him and saw countless peasants just like him, waiting for his cue. He had unintentionally made himself the leader.

"Ladies! Gentlemen!" he shouted. "Tonight..."

...we shall rest, and tomorrow we will begin.

FutureWorm awoke the following morning to find that the chest he had hidden the plans in overnight had vanished. Town citizens were too eager to begin, and had taken the plans and had formed their own team, rejecting FutureWorm as leader, but allowed him to become part of their team.

Off Topic: Everyone wants to be the leader, FW, it's easier if all our characters are just equal members of the team. Also the story setting is very confusing: Probably partly my fault for the high-tech weapon, so if someone can suggest a better weapon for this Mediaeval/Rennaissance era then go ahead and I'll replace it. I mean at the moment we have genetically modified mad cows, bingo, ribena and... peasants with pitchforks

"Well, that's a bit off," said FutureWorm, but he too was eager to be a part of the grand escapade, and joined in.

"What do you make of these plans?" he asked the local apothecary and part-time inventor, Paul.Power.

"Well, FutureWorm...

"Well, that's a bit off," said FutureWorm, but he too was eager to be a part of the grand escapade, and joined in.

"What do you make of these plans?" he asked the local apothecary and part-time inventor, Paul.Power.

"Well, FutureWorm...

...at this exact moment, Paul Power and Future worm were both in turn assasainated by snipers hired by the few rich people that remained as a revenge attempt...

...at this exact moment, Paul Power and Future worm were both in turn assasainated by snipers hired by the few rich people that remained as a revenge attempt...

...and they stole all of their luggage, you see?" Paul.Power said.

Future Worm stared at him blankly. Had Paul gone crazy?

"Yes... I... DO see, Paul... that's very... nice" he said, slowly inching his way toward the door. "We were assassinated. But THEN what happened?"

Paul grinned like a loon. "Well...

... in our universe, these plans show that the key chemical involved in creating these super Mad Cows is Blahtonium 346".
"Oh. Is that a common chemical?"
"Not really. You can only find it in one place, which the rich people keep heavily guarded. We'll need a little more than pitchforks if we want to...

...acquire some of it. You see, there have been theories about creating mad cows using Blahtonium 346 for quite some time now, and the Priests of the Temple of the Darkside decided to horde all known supplies of the stuff to prevent such cows from ever being made. Unfortunately with their downfall in the Minor War of '78, the rich buggers got hold of it, and a lot more besides. However, I think....

I remember hearing once about a small sect of the temple surviving, with some of the Blahtonium 346, although no one knows where they are these days, after they went into hiding."

"Well," said FutureWorm...

just going to the toilet" replied Star Worms "But to get our hands on our the blahtonium 346, we must have sufficient protection as it is radioactive. Secondly, it's heavily defended and buried in a completely sealed box-like room underground with inches of solid metal from preventing the radioactivity from escaping".

"I agree, it's not an easy feat, but one which must be done" replied...

...a mysterious stranger lurking in the shadows. But nobody could identify who he was before...
Oh lordy, not this thread again...

... being assassinated by the guy who was supposed to be killing FutureWorm and Paul.Power, but who screwed up spectacularly in this universe.

"Well, that's a bit of a bugger," said FutureWorm. "Luckily he didn't last long enough for us to get worried about whether he was important or not."

But ah! The stranger was still alive! "Stop being an ass and give me some medical assistance, will you?"
"Hmm," said Paul.Power. "I'd be the man to help you if it was a headache, but bullets aren't really my department. But I know someone who can help...

...and with that, he produced a large novelty walkie-talkie, moved well out of the way with FutureWorm and Star Wars in tow, and with the push of a button and an irrelevant voice command, the Concrete Donkey roared out of the heavens and rendered prompt and efficient "medical aid" to the dying stranger.

"...That was kind of a waste, wasn't it?" remarked FutureWorm.
"Bit merciless, too," agreed Star Worms.
"It's just been forever since I've done that," explained Paul. "Wait a second," he added, turning back to Star Worms, "where did you come from?"
Star Worms began "Well, I was just...

going to bed when I sensed a disturbance in the force, so I came immediately to see what was happening."
"I see," replied Paul sceptically, "and I suppose the deafening noise of a Concrete Donkey crashing through the earths crust didn't help alert you at all that something was up?"
"Not at all," said Star Worms, affronted, "but now that I'm here...

...I regret to say that Metal Alex has followed me, and he wants to join."

HI!- Said Metal, grinning, and coming out of nowhere.

Paul Stared at him with a look full of...

...garlic...

...but Metal Alex had never seen a garlicy look before, so he just ignored it.
SUDDENLY...

A loud roaring noise could be heard comming from the skies, and what seemed to be like a meteor crashed into the building, and landed just 12 feet away from where the group were standing... but it was not a meteor, it was Angelus who still has trouble with his landing.

Angelus got up, noticed everyone was staring at him, and produced a loud fart, followed by the words: "Gentlemen, I come in peace!"...

"Ugh, that smells something horrible!" cries the mysterious man before finally dying...

Just then Paul...

...decided to insert a plot device he had in his pocket to the scene.
Suddenly...

..the device starts shuddering and vibrating (OH NOES PORNO)...

"Oh great!" said Star Worms, "not Paul's plot device machine! Everytime he uses it we end up with forth wall jokes, or I have to fight a madly spinning Zero or something crazy! What's going to happen now?"

Amazingly, though, it got the storyline back on track.

"Hmm, I wasn't expecting that," thought Paul as he pocketed the device. He spoke to the group. "The first thing we need to do is find the place where the Blahtonium is processed and do some reconnaisance of the site. First we'll try to gather as much information as we can while still staying safe, and then...

we blow up the place." Paul's look was now sadistic, and started laughing maniatically.

"oh no" said Star Worms - "I think those must be the effects of Blahtonium! WE NEED A CURE!"

said that, he grabbed a stone, and...

*edit because paul's post wouldn't make much sence*

... somehow managed to lose it. He then picked up another stone, and lost that as well. He knew that one day, once the poor had overthrown their rich oppressors, he would have to market the Star Worms Diet Plan, which allowed you to lose two stone in a day.

"I think I must have decided to be insane today," said Paul.Power. "But yes, once we've done all the safe scouting we can, someone will have to volunteer to take on a more dangerous scouting mission. Any volunteers?"

Metal Alex raised his hand, and said: "I like turtles", while Angelus was trying to bite the wall.

Future Worm, which seemed to be less affected, said: "Stop acting like morons! it's like if the cow stuff was below us."

Then, Paul's eyes got full of tears... because...

...Metal Alex was cutting up an onion right next to him.
Robowurmz fell from the sky, and announced his arrival by explaining that his new jetpack modification was faulty. Noticing most of the other guys were completely gaga, Robowurmz backed away and...

...tripped over the corpse of the man in the shadows. That's when the party noticed that the man died with his hand in the air. Paul, having already lost his patience, picked up the man, muttered something about "good enough" and threw him in a random direction. All the time not actually looking at who the man was.

The corpse...

But everyone's attention was diverted from the corpse by a voice in the crowd. "Only the rich wear jetpacks! GET HIM!!!"...

Seriously, guys, if you're going to introduce yourselves, don't keep falling from the sky. There's a perfectly suitable crowd to emerge from...

Wide-eyed, Robowurmz frantically tried to restart his Jet-pack, but each time the engine spluttered momentarily and then fell silent again.
"Bugger" he yelled, finally giving up on the damned machine, and began to run off into the distance as fast as his tail could carry him, all the time pursued by the pitchfork-wielding mob that followed in his wake.

"Well," said Paul, after an awkward silence...

... "I guess we'd better go back and look at this corpse, I sort of threw him without thinking. We don't know who this chap was, so it might be an idea to find out..."

"...the properties of the residue created by Angelus's natural methane exhaust. I thought I smelled blahtonium coming from where Angelus landed..."

..."Oh yes" said MtlAngelus. "That would be from my fart. You see, I've been developing some kind of newfangled mad cow deep within my bowels. Some rich guys put it in me. I think it must be nearly complete, because just a little while ago, something blew up and I was shot into the air and landed here."

"You mean you've been carrying the mad cow inside of you THIS ENTIRE TIME?!"...

"Either that, or it was the Pizza I had last night" replied Angelus.
However...

...Robowurmz returned in a blaze of artificially-induced robotic fury! His rage had been gathered so much, he was flying about all over the place in a giant green flame, smashing his pursuers to pieces! Then, suddenly he hit...

... a wall and exploded.

"Well, that's that out of the way, now let's consider the shocking implications of MtlAngelus' impregnation," said...

... a wall and exploded.

"Well, that's that out of the way, now let's consider the shocking implications of MtlAngelus' impregnation," said...

Pickleworm, which was very far away, on a different place, with other worms, so the comment left unnoticed. Among all coincidences, Paul said seconds later:

"Well, that's that out of the way, now let's consider the shocking implications of MtlAngelus' impregnation"

What do you think, Angelus? Want to sacrifice for science?

"You know, let's not call it 'impregnation', how about... Internal Developing of Mass Destruction Weapon?" said Angelus.
"Anyway, how do we get it out?" Asked Futureworm.
"Surgery!" Exclaimed Paul.
"Surgery?!" Asked Angelus.
"Yes, Surgery." Repeated Paul.
"...like, surgery surgery?" Asked Angelus.
"Yes, Surgery." Replied Paul.
But he was talking to no-one since Angelus had already ran away.

"Oi, come back here" shouted Paul "it's simple, all I need to do is get a carving knife and slice open your stomach and..."
"Paul," interrupted Star Worms, "no offence, but your tactics of persuasion need a bit of work."
"Fine!" snapped Paul, "Come back so we can remove the Blahtonium or it'll eventually kill you!"
The now distant figure in the distance stopped, looked around and then slowly walked back to the others.
"Kill me?" he asked.
"It's the most explosive substance known to worm, what did you expect?"
Glancing at the blunt carving knife already in Paul's hand, MtlAngelus...

threw up at the thought of being cut open by an unqualified worm. What the team really needed was a doctor, and a proper surgery to stop any infection. At which point one worm stood out amongst the crowd - A surgeon at the local hospital. His name was...

...Splapp!
"Oh snap..." muttered Angelus...

"DON'T WORRY,I'M A DOCTOR,I'LL MAKE YOU BETTAR!!!" he tells MtlAngelus,and then he picks out a scissor from...well,whatever worms keeps their weapons and such.
MtlAngelus...

Grabbed what he threw up, and smashed it on Splapp's face. Incredibly, it was the Blahtonium inside him. Everyone Just stood at the Blahmonium, and how it didn't blow up by the hit. Star Worms saw it and fainted becuse of the shock... But the worst part was: everyone was now directly ffected by its radiation... Cows become mad, and so do worms.

Metal Alex then...

...said "Hey, wait a minute... Doctors are rich!"
With that, the crowd turned chaotic, and Splapp knew that it was his cue to leave!

Paul...

... Flung the Blahtonium into the sky. Then it exploded. A small piece of rubble hit Brainiac on the head. He died.

"What on Earth?!" said Star Worms as he awoke "This isn't blahtonium, it's Inflammable Johnson's Baby Lotion. But why did it explode?". "I have no idea, but perhaps it contains blahtonium - maybe that's why it's inflammable" replied...

...Star Worms, who was still kinda shaken from the fainting, and now he was talking to himself.

"No, I don't use Blahtonium in it" said Paul. "Who do you think I am? A MADMAN?"

"The blahtonium's still in my bowels, you know" said Angelus. "You only throw up stuff that's in your gut, not your bowels. And I'm not going to poo it out, just so you know. I've lost my ability to poo in the great war."
"Oh, right." Said Futureworm. "But wait... why were you eating IJBL?"...

...Paul turned a bright shade of red, and decided to try change the subject. "So, shall we continue on?"...

Everyone looked at Paul quizickly. Why had MtlAngelus ingested IJBL, and what had Paul to do with it. An awkward silence followed - only broken by the noise of Splapp using his many knives to fight off and slowly kill the raging, slightly socialist mob - until finally MtlAngelus said,
"Look...

..., it's a bit of Robowurmz'z eyeball! I could sell this!"
Just then, overhead, a massive explosion occured!

"I know what that is!" Screamed Paul, "It's...

an explosion! But wait - why is it coming from the distance. Could Wiraq be waging war once again?". "Look guys" said MtlAngelus "the reason I have been ingesting IJBL is because...

I was hungry"

Everyone looked at him surprised, as if that explained all that nonsense.

Then, Metal Alex...

(nobody uses my sigworm, so I'll just use it meanwhile :p)

collapsed and died, suddenly.
"Good grief," said Paul, "he must have inhaled some of the blahtonium from MtlAngelus's fart!" Everyone clapped their hands round thier mouths, horrified.
"Ok" said Paul, "this areas contaminated, so lets move quickly, and keep MtlAngelus away from dried fruits!"

Suddenly,they found SuperBlob enjoying a piece of blueberry pie.

"Hello there guys,want some pie?" he says and hands over a piece to Star Worms.

"SuperBlob?...

...Did you eat all the pies?" said Star Worms.
Before he could reply, Superblob suddenly fell over and died. Partly from overeating on blueberries, but mostly because one of the authors in this story is fed up with the continuous delays due to unexpected appearances of random people.

So the croud kept moving on at a steady pace, until...

An elephant attacked them! It was enraged!

You hit the elephant in the left leg with your bottle of IJBL!
The elephant explodes!
You lose hold on the...

"Oh no, he's having war flashbacks again!" said someone. "Damn roguelike adventure games, affecting the way people think..."

The poor affected narrator was told to go and lie in a quiet corner while the battle continued...

Angelus' stomach grumbled, he felt a gas comming up his throat, he knew what to do...
"I'MA CHARGING MAH LAZERS!" and he produced a large burp which, due to the blathonium inside him, fired out like a lazer and killed the elefant.
"Y'know, this is kinda cool" said Angelus, while everyone was backing away from him.

And everybody sat down to a cup of tea.
"No use wasting this elephant corpse, " said Paul. "Let's cook and eat it. Normal meat is for the rich!"

Everybody else...

started eating superblob. Suddenly, a banana fell out of the sky. The dead superblob came back to life at the sight of food, jumped out of the jaws of the worms, and ate the banana. There was this enormous bang coming from SB's direction. The worms looked around, confused. It was...

...peanut butter jelly time. Everyone started dancing with the banana, singing along.

"Right, we better get moving," said a certain Paul. "we have to get more blahtonium. Also, we need radioactivity protection."

And, on the wall, there was...

Muzer, being torched by a rich guy. The worms...

...watched in awe, as the rich guy is doing what they always wanted to do for a long time now.
When Muzer was well and truly crisp, only then did the mob start raving at the rich guy, who just so happened to be...

...Plasma.
So he got killed by the mob.
Turns out he wasn't rich tho, he was just pretending.
"Back on track..." said Angelus "...er... I forgot what's going on, with all this random things going on... man I sure wish random stuff stopped happening" he concluded.

Then appeared Bill Gates. He offered free graphics cards, and ran away.

And suddenly there appeared a vending machine of ultimate power...Metal Alex walked up to it...

...which was odd because he had already died.
Also there was no machine.
Then Angelus beat the crap out of robowurmz for no apparent reason.
The party then continued to...

...move on towards their supposed destination, which just so happened to be a magic fairy land!


The regular narrator, now fully recovered, took back the story from his meddling younger sister, and continued back from where he left it.
So the croud kept moving on at a steady pace, until they came to a large, enraged elephant...

...which ate them. That's the end of that area of interest.

Paul and crew, meanwhile, went to the magical fairy land.
"Why are we going here?" asked Gardy Loo.
"Well..."

Said Paul "Given that Angelus is unwilling to let Science remove the Mad Cow from his bowels, then we'll have to resort to other means, we're visiting an old Wizard who allegedly is able to perform complicated surgery witouth the need to open up it's patients..."
"And who would that be" asked Angelus.
"He goes by the name of Akuryou" said Paul.
Suddenly, something totally not random happened, which was...

Akuryou jumped out of a bush and fired a laser at them. "Why did you do that!?" Paul asked. "I dunno. I was bored." Akuryou replied. Just then another...

strange thing happened - Akuryou cast a memory-altering spell and then ran away.

Nobody in the group remembered seeing him. They all forgot about the elephant and a lot of the random stuff that had recently happened. He left them with only the memories that were actually important, such as the memories of the Blahtonium. Their minds were now clear, the story started to make sense, and they headed on their way to find the Wizard.

"I was about to say something, but I just forgot it!" said Star Worms.

"Must not have been important..." replied Paul nonchalantly.

"Wait, what about that mysterious corpse we saw back there?" asked FutureWorm, suddenly able to think straight without his mind cluttered with the chaos which had just ensued, "How did we manage to get distracted and forget about him?"

"He must not have been important either..." replied Paul.

"It's bally convenient that the only things we've forgotten are unimportant snivesome oatings, eh Pipper?" asked Star Worms.
"Rather. Hairs on a bobbin, ol' bunt. Hairs on a bobbin." said Paul, failing to realise that Akuryou's spell had the side effect of turning the pair of them into stereotypical Brits (in the style of Penny Arcade, at least).

"Guys, why are you talking like that?" asked...

...Star Worms, which only served to further confuse everyone that was listening to the discussion.
After a brief silence...

... Paul said, "We're talking about hairs on a bobbin, what do you think we're talking about?"
"I thought it was snivelsome oatings."
"Hmm. Fair point. Well, we're almost at the facility now, so let's..."

...BOOM! The facility then blew up.

The group runs the last bit to the wreckage of the facility wherein they find...

...the wizard, who is scratching his head.
"Are you okay, Wizard?" said Paul.
"Don't worry. I wanted that to happen." Said the wizard.
...

"You see, I was trying to concoct some sort of mad-cow weapon using this blahtonium I have in this lead box. I found some just down the road, next to that big sign that says, "BLAHTONIUM MINE.". I thought, 'Well, eh, Wizard? Somebody's a bit greedy there. You help yourself to their blahtonium, I mean, they can't make it ALL MINE.' So I did. I took it. I told'em! Bugrit! Milennium hand and shrimp arglecheese i like pie bajfferjhjgglegleg..." said the Wizard, mumbling into silence.
The blahtonium had driven him mad!

They neede to knock some sense into him, so they...

got Angelus to fart in his face, which only made him crazier.

"you didn't really think this through, did you guys?", said...

The wizards' apprentice. He was wearing radioactive protection, because he was clever like that.

"Here, take these suits. They'll help. Also, I may be just an amateur, but I can do the surgery," he said. "I've been watching you in this crystal ball linked up to a satnav thingy. With a one-two-three KALAKAZAAAM! Kapiwarchylolooo! ROFLMAO! THIS IS SPARTA!"

And then, MtlAngelus...

suddenly vommited a fully formed Blathonium Mad Cow.
"There you go" said the apprentice. "That'll be $50,000"
"$50,000?" asked Angelus.
"Yes, $50,000." replied the apprentice.
But no one was listening since the whole gang had ran away already, taking the Mad Cow and the crystal ball with them.
Once the gang were far away enough, they stopped to think what to do next.
"Why did you take the crystal ball, Paul?" asked Star Worms.
"That's an easy question." replied Paul. "So he cannot find us!"
They were already cured by the side effects of Akuryous magic, for some reason**.
"Now where's that Mad Cow?" Asked Paul. "I need to take a look at it."
As he said that, Angelus was trying to eat the Mad Cow.
"What on earth are you doing?!?" asked...

**I have no clue how stereotypical Brits (in the style of Penny Arcade, at least) are suposed to talk like. :p

"It's what I always do! I'm hungry!"

The tried to swallow...and...

...thankfully Star Worms managed to take it away from him.
"Seriously, we went trough all that trouble trying to get this out of you and there you go and try to ingest it again..." said Star Worms.
"FINE, you can keep it!" said Angelus, angry.
"Anyway" said Paul "It appears to be that the Mad Cow managed to be completely formed witouth blowing up like the past experiments... this has probably has to do with Angelus DNA providing the Cow with enough strenght to hold the incredibly destructive power of the Blahtonium. We now hold in our hands a unique weapon, with powers that have never been seen before... if this fell into the wrong hands, it could mean the end of world as we know it..."
StarWorms grinned with an evil look on his face and said "Well, that's all I wanted to hear!" and dissappeared in a cloud of smoke, taking the Mad Cow with him...

But then the Wizard appeared! The pure force of two rifts in the fabric of reality TORE A HOLE in it! Everybody got sucked into no-space!

"So, Paul, what do we do now?" said MtlAngelus as the hole closed.

"I presume we..."

But he didn't have time to answer, since at that moment, Jim, from the original worms stories appeared. "Hi guys!" He said. "I'm fighting Yippie-two-face! Care to join me?"
But at that moment, they saw the remains of C1P8 on his quest to find his laptop.

anyone remember that?

...and they walked back through the rift, which had opened up again, because they'd be damned if they were going to be trapped in the old story thread.
"Well, now that that's done...

, let's go somewhere else.", said the giant blue head in the distance who was displeased.

"Who are you?" Asked Paul. "Can you help get the blahtonium? You came from the no-space, is that right?"

"I am...

Hark Bloffendale and...

You must first finish C1P8'S quest for him."

"Oh to hell with it all", said P.P, and chucked IBL at the blue head of death

...this made the giant blue head in the distance even more displeased than before...

"AAAAAAAGH" it shouted, "That bloody hurt!".
"Sorry," said Paul, "but would you mind leaving us alone so we can try to have some sort of coherant and sensible plotline? Please!"

"THIS IS SPARTA!" It screamed and then the narrator decided to sober up once and for all.

On they went, and came accross the entrance to the blahtonium mine.

"Whoops," said Paul. "We forgot to snaffle those radioactivity protection suits from the apprentice..."

"Oh well, we can't turn back now." said Paul. Meanwhile, Gardy Loo, who had a cameo a few posts back, exploded in a cloud of smoke.

"Oh good. One less character to worry about." said Star Worms. But before the team could enter the mine...

...They saw C1P8's laptop floating through the sky!

"My laptop!", C1P8 shouted as he emerged randomly from the ground. "Yay!". He picked it up, and both C1P8 and the laptop dissintegrated themselves.

"Whaddi Miss?" Shadowman said as he abruptly joined the story.
He left soon afterward, only to find...

...Angelus.
"Hey weren't you with StarWorms and Paul back there?"
"Yup." said Angelus. "But I've given up on this story. Cya, dude."
Angelus proceeded to fly away and was never seen again in this story.
Back to the group, Paul...

suddenly realized something and asked, "wait, where on Earth did you come from, Star Worms, and where did you put that Mad Cow?"

"Where do any worms put their things anyways? They just kind of dissappear," said Star Worms.

Suddenly there was an earthquake and...

...everybody died.

The End

of the cliff of the crevasse that opened was quite jagged.

"Poor Everybody," said Paul, "I never knew him..."

"What kind of a name is Everybody?!" asks Star Worms.

Just then out of the crevasse emerged...

...Colt...

Star Worms pushes him down again,and they hear something burp.

It was...

...Cisken, who just ate 15 cheeseburgers

"Hi", said cisken, "you want a piece of my burger?"
"Well," said Paul, "...

"Not really."
Just then, Angelus came back into the story for no reason at all

and spontaneously combusted.

So Cisken ate what was left of him too.

Suddenly...

Cisken died too. Apparently Angelus still had dangerous traces of Blahtonium inside him, so...

...his corpse was more than a little poisonous. However, Cisken, although it seemed that he died, was just knocked out by the fart gas left in the body. So Cisken got up, and tail-whipped Paul into the crevice with a "THIS-IS-SPARTA!!!"

Then he proceeded to leap in himself, to see what it was like.

As Paul was falling, he used his glasses, a pencil, and some junk from his pockets to invent a device which he used to create an emergency temporal shift, warping himself to an uncontrolled location, which was...

...Fan art.

Paul was shocked because...

Thomasp seemed to be killing everyone with a strange weapon called an "infraction point".

Luckily he only killed noobs and spammers, so...

...Paul.Power started spiting on the corpse of Colt,and laugh at it.

But Thomasp...

took the BAN HAMMER, an almighty weapon of the gods handled by Volcadmin, the one noble enough to decide the fate of all the ones surrounding him. With a deep voice, Volcadmin said from the heavens: "Hear him well, since he knows all wich is pure, good, and right, chosen by me myself, and trained in the most dangerous arts of moderation. He and only he shall bring light to this land." Then, with a shine in his wormy moderator eyes, he pointed with the almighty BAN HAMMER to the skyes. A lightning came across the clouds, and stroke the hammer, wich was now shining with glory. A shiny shape appeared behind him: a golden biten apple, also known as the mark of the chosen one. With all his might, Thomasp pointed at a mountain, and as a sign of his power, he permanently banned it. Then, with dust still covering the faces of all the worms, he took a brave look at the worms. "Any challengers?" said with a grin on his face, while the hammer was shining even more than before...

Only FutureWorm was brave enough to reply.

"Do you have the ability to control this power after all those murders?", he said.
"Are we safe in thou hands?"

Thomasp turned to FutureWorm and said "...

DO YOU QUESTION THE POWER OF THE MODERATOR WHO VOLCADMIN HIMSELF HAS CHOSEN?? YOU WIL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!", and banned him immediately.

Luckily, it turned out to be FutureWоrm, the master of disguise (notice the cryllic 'o') who was a big dickweed anyway.

Meanwhile, Star Worms and the real FutureWorm were still staring down the crevasse.

"Oh no, he's gone! He's really gone!" cried FutureWorm...

Then...

waves of ten year old kids with emotional problems all started joining, and causing a spontaneous spam overload.

TomasP simply requested another hammer...

waves of ten year old kids with emotional problems all started joining, and causing a spontaneous spam overload.

TomasP simply requested another hammer...

...and killed everyone.

The End.

...or so they thought. But the legend was passed down from generation to generation. Then, they used atime machine to UN-KILL Paul and the Crew!


So, they continued their mission, unabated.

...and Paul was able to join them by narrating his own story, because he found his way into the Online Orgy forum.

And so Paul managed to reunite himself with the rest of the group. And there was much rejoicing. They went into the Blahtonium mine, now with a giant crevasse in it.

"Alright, Star Worms," said Paul, "now's the time to throw the Mad Cow into the abyss of this crevasse... You do still have, don't you?..."


(off-story - if someone tries to sabotage the story, please just ignore them and continue from the previous post...)

"No! This cow is mine!" replied Starworms.
"What? You're betraying us?"
"Well, yes. Actually, I betrayed you a couple of sentences back, but I just came along because I was bored."
With that, Starworms dissapeared in another cloud of smoke. Or perhaps it was the same one as last time. It's always hard to tell...

"Damnit" Said Paul. "Now what are we supposed to do...




.....We forgot to wear radioactive protection again, didn't we?"

Suddenly everyone turned green and started coughing. "Oh no!" said Paul "now we're infected!"

Suddenly...

...said Splinter, in a far away place, talking about god knows what. Angelus suddenly appeared in a rift of space time, and proceeded to beat the crap out of Splinter, for no apparent reason.
Back to Paul and the group, they...

just decided to make...

a giant christmas pudding, for October was nearing.

Somehow, a wormy version of Rimmer appeared and said to the lot...


Oh, and Rimmer is a red dwarf character. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnold_J._Rimmer

"I'll have you know that cheese is a melon" before turning into a space walrus, climbing into his flying saucer, and then flying off. They pranced out of the mine in a field of flowers and pandas, and then collapsed outside the mine.

After some time, Paul wakes up, and then wakens the others. "Oh dear," he says, "it would appear that the Blahtonium is quite a potent hallucinogen!"

"Yeah," adds FutureWorm, "why on Earth else would we want to make a Christmas pudding because October is nearing?! That makes no sense at all!"

"So what are we going to do now?" asks SomePerson.

"Well," responds Paul, "I think...

we should attempt to break out of the mine."

"How are we going to go about doing that?" asks someperson

"With the inflammable JBL, ofcourse!" Paul squirms over to a rock and does a final fantasy-style victory pose...

"Um.. Paul?" Asked someperson, "Isn't Blahtonium (in)flammable as well?"

"Never mind about that!", screamed Paul, as he chucked the bottle.

BOOM!...

BOOM!...
The IJBL exploded, exposing an exit to the mine.
"Oh" said Someworm, "Well, I thought it would... and why do I have a sudden urge to kick Splinter in the gonads?"
Unbeknownst to him, all the people in the party had that urge too.

And so, the adventurers climbed out of the mine, and continued on their adventurer to find the scource of the mad mad cows...

...wherever that was...

...and to stop McDonalds producing burgers. The burgers were being made from the cows, and killing and turning many people quite mad. And it made a bunch of 5-year-old blow up too. They needed some answers...

"WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THE COWS!?!" they screamed at the manager of the local restaurant and he...

...got quite badly massacared by the poor people of the group, who by now have already shrank a good bit thanks to Splapp's impressive swordplay and his willingness to stick with the group regardless of the poor trying to hunt him down.

Ahem...

Just then, the MAD COW BOVINE BLITZ fell and destroyed half of the restaraunt!

"Oh, my word!" said Paul, looking quite surprised. Everyone else was surprised as well, but they soon got back to business and...

... did something.

En route to the something, though, quite a few things happened. Chief among these was coming across a rather large tank.

"Halt! Where do you think you're going?" asked the tank commander, whose name was...

immaterial.

"That's a nice name," said FutureWorm.

"Silence!" commanded Commander Immaterial, in a commanding sort of way. "None may pass, because..."

There is a contaminated sock in the path.

You cannot cross this path unless you have at least 1 set of contamination protective gear and 1 sealable container."
"No problem" said Paul. "But can I ask, how did you say words in colour like that?"
"It's standard issue for anyone that issues quests to adventuring parties."

Then a dive bomber randomly decided to blow up the tank

and missed, destroying the contaminated sock.

"Well," says Commaner Immaterial...

I will still not let you pass! First, to get over the wreckage of the dive bomber, you need One pair of hiking boots and One bottle of laxative"

"Why on earth do we need laxative?" Asked...

...the sky. "Wait," said Paul," how on earth is the sky talking?" But, it was actually not the sky, it was...

the drunk divebomber who proceeded to crash into the ground before them. In the wreckage they managed to find the pair of hiking boots and amazingly a bottle of laxative.

"Wait", said Paul, "Maybe the bottle of laxative is actually alcohol in disguise!"

He don't have time to say anything more; Angelus grabs the bottle of laxative and empties it, Angelus are now very drunk and...

... starts to go on over-drive madness mode, causing...

EVERYONE IN THE WORLD to be high on crack, for some reason...

inside Angelus's drunken mind.

Paul pulls out his walkie talkie again, but everyone else hurriedly stops him from calling in another donkey. They insist that he'll either pass out or sober up soon enough and that...

...would make a nice change.

"Oh, come on," insisted Paul, storming past the tank and edging past the crater, with the others close behind. (Angelus being dragged along by his tail)

Immaterial swung round, and threw something to the group, crying "Wait, you'll need...

... reinforcements! My friend can provide you with this!" The communicator which was thrown hit Paul's face. "Any problems and just call for Mayday over the communicator and he'll do an airstrike!"

Everyone looked at him and...

Paul decided to call an airstrike right on top of commander immaterial, because he was too much trouble than he was worth.
"wait!", screamed Star Worms, who had miraculously appeared again, but it was too late. BOOM! The group were flung two miles down the road, but the authors typed in **GODMODE** just in the nick of time and they didn't even lose 1 hp. Then godmode was disabled because otherwise it would completely ruin the story.

"right", said...

Paul, "Where the hell are we now?"
They all wondered where Angelus had gone, but when they found him, a mob or rich people were trying to kill him but he was eating them.
Star Worms came and drew out a Light Saber...

But one of the mob had a heavy saber, so Star Worms was forced to retreat.

"Hmm..." hmmed Paul. "We need tactics, or possibly TicTacs, to rescue Angelus. All in favour of a rescue, say 'aye'," he added. He turned, to hear...

Splapp's EOL coming down the road.

Everyone looked at Splapp and his Eye on Legs. "That's the wrong sort of 'aye', Splapp" said Paul "Well we're going on a rescue anyway, whether you like it or not", and off they went...

one of the mob tried to stab Angelus but some random poor guy pressed a button and a 16-tonne weight fell one one of the rich guy's head, but it accidently chopped Angelus' tail off as well...

"AARGH! MY TAIL!", screamed Angelus. "Sorry!", said Some Random Poor Guy. "Now we need some tail-grow-back lotion!"

"Wait a minute", said Paul, "There must be Blahtonium reminence left in the tail...
"oh damn!", said Splapp, "we still don't have any radioative suits, guys, do we?"
At that moment splinter fell from the sky and said "Everyone Died. The end" but from the fall he died so he could never come back. And then Paul...

Jumped high in the air, screaming "THIS! IS! XBOX!" for no apparent reason, before realising he was high on Blahtonium again. So was everyone else, except for angelus, since he was pretty much inebriarated anyway.

Once they all calmed down, and the essence of blahtonium faded away, they found that most of the rich mob were....

Dead ...

but so was some random poor guy and in his dieing minutes he said"ps2 is LOADS better!!!!!!"
and star worm had stolen all the weapons and had run off again
and now every one was angry with each other...

", said some random poor guy.
"Hey, are you still infected with blathonium?", said Paul
"AND PAUL WAS DEAD AND ANGELUS DIED AND SOMEPERSON DIED... ooh, where am I... Did I just say the PS2 is better??? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"


"Rrrriiiight...", said Paul. "Wait, Star Worms, where did you come from?"

"Well, when the Blahtonium mad cow ran out of food, I had to find some more. I was just about to feed you guys to it, actually".

"Look, let me tell you about this cow," added Star Worms.
Paul turned. "Sit down, guys," he said. "We all need to discuss what has actually been going on here."
"Can I join in?" asked Some Random Poor Guy, sitting up and apparently not dead at all.
Paul shot him a cold stare, and said "No, and what is more you are not to reappear in this story for at least 50 posts or so."
Some Random Poor Guy disappears.



...time passes...



"Right, I'm glad we got everything sorted out at last," said Paul.
"What's our mission, then?" asked Star Worms.

"Stop you from eating us?", suggested Paul

a black hole appeared somewhere in the universe. The events continued happening as normal.